The Situation:
“I’m coaching a Black executive (the organization’s first Black senior leader and the only Black person in this governing body). They have received feed- back from their supervisor that their peers find them unapproachable and even intimidating, with a request to work on those relationships. They have shared that they feel under attack in the context of negative comments made in sessions about DEI efforts at the organization, which they have been spearheading. They believe that they have to keep their armor up and be vigilant. How would you coach them?”
Answer:
Coaching this Black executive requires a thoughtful, em- pathetic and multi-layered approach. Start by creating a safe and nonjudgmental space where they feel heard and valued. Acknowledge the unique challenges they face as the organization’s first Black senior leader, particularly the intersectionality of their role and the emotional labor required to lead DEI efforts while navigating an environment with implicit biases and national changes to DEI efforts.
Begin by empathizing with their experience. Affirm that their feelings of needing to keep their armor up are valid, given the context of the negative comments and the broader dynamics they face. Reflect this back to them so they know you genuinely understand. For example, you can say, “It sounds like you’re navigating a tough balance between protecting yourself and engaging with your peers.”
Help them explore the impact their armor may have on their relationships, without diminishing its necessity. Ask reflective questions such as, “How do you think keeping your guard up affects how others perceive you? And how does it serve or limit you in your role?”
Encourage the executive to reconnect with their intrinsic values and leadership goals. Ask, “What kind of leader do you want to be remembered as? What legacy do you want to build here?” This brings the focus to their aspirations, reframing their actions as choices aligned with their greater vision rather than purely reactive defenses.
Discuss strategies to balance self-preservation with cultivat- ing relationships. Highlight that building deeper connections may also serve their long-term goal of advancing DEI efforts. For example:
Active Listening: Suggest techniques like paraphrasing or asking curious, open-ended questions that signal approachability without compromising their stance.
Personal Touches: Encourage them to share small aspects of their personal story or hobbies to help break stereotypes and humanize interactions.
Highlight that feedback, even if uncomfortable, can provide an opening to reshape perceptions. Help them depersonalize comments by reframing them through the lens of organizational dynamics rather than personal fault. Together, develop actionable strategies such as scheduling one-on-one meetings with peers to foster direct communication and bridge misunderstandings.
Finally, integrate discussions about self-care and resilience. Ac- knowledge that this role is emotionally taxing and explore ways to recharge, such as seeking support from affinity groups or mentors. By combining validation with actionable strategies, you can help this leader feel supported, while equipping them with tools to challenge perceptions and strengthen their leadership impact.
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