The Situation:
“After working together for some time,
my client revealed their affinity for an abhorrent political character that opposes all of my values. I was gobsmacked and got off the call. How do I deal with this in the next coaching call, or do I ignore it?”
First, know that I sympathize with you. It’s a tough job to look at someone objectively when they reveal affinities we reject or find abhorrent. Might I suggest that your dislike lies with the political character rather than your
client? You may be experiencing transference. Transference occurs when these unresolved emotions and desires are projected onto someone in our present life, which reminds us of the person or situation that caused them. If that could be the case, please read on.
There are highly polarizing characters and ideologies in today’s political landscape. Transference of anger is happening daily from the few to the many. You don’t say where you are from, but these characters are worldwide. There are political marches, uprisings, violence, and, from many people’s perspectives, ignorance and chagrin that anyone – much less someone we know – could find truth in the statements or actions of another we have identified as detestable in our eyes.
Our histories significantly affect how we see others, and the lack of boundaries and hate-filled diatribes in social media bring great distress to many of us. I have continued to speak up in cases where I find attitudes and activities abhorrent. Doing it with grace, active listening, acknowledging my emotions, and good self-care can help keep me level and steady.
When you think about your client, can you separate this issue from the good work you’ve done together? As for the next call, you could ignore the topic if you have resolved the issue yourself. If it comes up again, you could state that you oppose this person and would prefer not to have political discussions. But you must both agree that the topic is off-limits, or it can lead to passive-aggressive behavior in your client.
As a coach, you deal with difficult conversations and topics. Consider ending the relationship if your values don’t allow you to see your client embrace a person or ideology you would never embrace. Tensions with clients can create bad feelings and inelegant coaching, so think about this carefully. But if you choose to end the relationship, discuss why you are ending it with the client.
Understanding your emotions and maintaining clear expression will allow you to help your client and become a better coach and person.