Face Adversity and go FAR
Adversity is a serious challenge that we all experience. How do you deal with it? How do you struggle with self-doubt, client issues, employee problems, health diagnoses, or the loss of a loved one, and still manage to move forward? Have you found yourself lying awake at night, consumed by worries? Do you ever feel so stressed about something outside of the present moment that you become distracted and unwilling to focus on the work in front of you? Do you feel discouraged, negative, and find it hard to fully engage with family, friends, and colleagues? I’ve been there too.
When adversity strikes, we have a choice: either avoid the problem or confront it head-on.
I want to share how I’ve personally overcome adversity and offer you the same tools. I’ve also coined a new term, AdFARsity©, which I hope will make it to the Urban Dictionary as the word of the year. The FAR in adFARsity© stands for Faith, Acceptance, and Recognition.
Having survived eight facial surgeries, the loss of loved ones to illness, childhood bullying, a heart attack, and numerous business challenges over the last 40 years, I am intimately familiar with adversity. Would I prefer to be known for something different? Absolutely! But this is my journey, and as someone who keenly observes others, I am resolute in not giving in or giving up on my quest to assist others. And, as is often said, the best-kept secret is that helping others always brings more benefits than anything I can receive.
The F in FAR: Faith
Someone once said that if you fail to look within, you go without. Finding faith in something outside of ourselves is crucial. I’m referring to a spiritual practice, which could be meditation, overcoming physical challenges, seeing yourself in a new light, connecting to a religion, or having faith in yourself. When it comes to religion, a practice can bring comfort but also confusion. Many people have walked away from a spiritual practice because of a negative religious experience. However, it’s important to note that rejecting a religious experience doesn’t mean eschewing the spiritual altogether. They are not the same.
For my masters thesis on child soldiers , I interviewed director Bryan Single about his film “Children of War.” This documentary portrays the journey of child soldiers in Uganda who escape the battlefield, enter a rehabilitation center, and undergo a process of healing and hope with the help of trauma therapists. The film was premiered at the United Nations to raise awareness about child soldiers worldwide. During my research interview, I asked Bryan how he coped with all the adversity and suffering he witnessed. His response profoundly changed my perspective on dealing with adversity: “All suffering is impermanent.” This Buddhist belief resonated with me and helped me have faith in myself, knowing that any pain I endured was impermanent, not a novel idea but a profound one.
Think about the suffering you’ve experienced in the past. Does it still exist with the same intensity? Grief evolves over time. I still miss my mother, Rita, every day. It’s been 26 years since she died. She saved me when I was young and being brutally bullied, a story I shared in my 2018 TEDx Talk titled “Your Voice, Your Choice.” She was my rock, and even now, I didn’t expect that I could still talk about her. But facing the grief and allowing myself to experience it lessened and changed its impact over time.
Where do you find your faith, and what helps you get through tough times? Stick to practices that have worked for you before and be kind to yourself if you’ve drifted away from them. Find your way back to a support system that acknowledges that you can’t navigate this journey alone. While the ego always speaks first and loudest, the soul whispers and is persistent.
What is your soul whispering to you right now?
The A in FAR: Acceptance
Accept that adversity will come. Running from it is foolish and unworthy of the strength that lies within you. You must become like the buffalo and face the storm of adversity; I dare say run toward it like the buffalo?
Whenever I face adversity and confront my deepest fear, I do not prolong the suffering; I walk towards the storm and become the buffalo which is a well-known truth in indigenous culture. Truthfully, I do not want to be called a buffalo, so I have adopted the term IMBOGO, from the Kinyarwanda (the language of Rwanda, where I have worked since 2005). I am IMBOGO. The desire to face a storm gets me through it more quickly and with more clarity than if I run from it and it catches me.
The Serenity Prayer states in part: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” I accept the adversity of my life and choose not to run from it but towards it.
I do not tell you this to say how strong I am to focus on my own adversity. I tell you this vital truth to remind you to accept the adversity in your life. Adversity will come. To run from it is foolish and unworthy of the strength that lies within you. You must become like the IMBOGO and face the storm of adversity; dare I say run toward it like the IMBOGO?
This truth is to remind you to have acceptance of the adversity in your life so that you can:
- Advocate for yourself
- Use your voice
- Face the truth
- Gather empowering beliefs to have strength for the day
- Seek partners to help you along the way
Be like the IMBOGO and you too will change how you view adversity.
The R in FAR: Recognition
Do you recognize the large and small victories along your journey? When I first got oral cancer, I had no idea what to expect. I came across a CEO who had throat cancer, and he said something that changed the course of my cancer journey since 2014. He said to find joy in the smallest things and rejoice in the smallest victories. Greatness lies not in the event but in our attitude of gratitude.
I now celebrate every aspect of my life: finishing 36 rounds of radiation, receiving a positive doctor’s report, completing chapters in my thesis, and then graduating from Harvard. I also celebrate family moments, the love of a partner, and the faith others have in me when I lose faith in myself. I will soon celebrate chewing food again; I take nothing for granted.
In 2023 when I had a major oral cancer surgery and spent seven days in intensive care with a tracheostomy, feeding tube, drains, and tubes everywhere, the staff would walk in and say, surprised, “You look GREAT.” I did not look GREAT; I looked like a person who had just gone through major surgery, with significant swelling and a paralyzed jaw! But I laughed (not loudly because of the tracheostomy) and marveled at the fighting spirit they saw in me, regardless of my existential crisis.
Adversity does cause personal existential crises. How will you face it? How will you recognize the good now, irrespective of the storm clouds gathering? Frankly, I am not out of the woods yet with cancer. I may never be. And they do not know why I have it, not from STDs, not from smoking, chewing tobacco, or heavy drinking. The doctors are stumped. But for me, recognizing the need to find goodness in a moment is vital for my ongoing battle.
It’s more of a stoic philosophy. Marcus Aurelius Antonius said it best a long time ago, “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” Remember: All suffering is impermanent. We learn to overcome adversity, take the wisdom, and prepare for the next storm.
Will you do the work?
Conquering adversity requires a willingness to look inward and taking strategic steps to confront obstacles. Embracing faith, acceptance, and recognition will propel you forward on your journey. I extend my best wishes for tremendous success and wisdom in your personal journey.
If you’re ready to take the next step, schedule a free call with me to explore your challenges. In this discovery call, we’ll mutually determine if it’s the right fit. Irrespective of the outcome, my goal is to equip you with valuable tools and insights before our call concludes.
Contact me at vicky@victoriatrabosh.com or +1-503-548-7682. Visit my website to learn more: https://victoriatrabosh.com. The final section lists resources including a free lesson for you to download on AdFARsity©
Additional Resources
• Here’s a link to a short message I posted for an event that has passed on Post Traumatic Growth. It’s 5 minutes long and worth a look: https://youtu.be/Yhl6lYLByNA
• As a gift for getting this FAR, please click on this link and look at Lesson https://victoriatrabosh.com/adfarsity-free-gift-to-you
• Register here to be added to the mailing list: https://victoriatrabosh.com/contact
References:
[1] The “Wicked Problem” of Child Soldier Media: Toward an Activist Anthropology of Film
https://nrs.harvard.edu/URN-3:HUL.INSTREPOS:37373597
[2] Bryan Single, Children of War Trailer: https://bryansingle.com/films/children-of-war/
[3] https://www.learnreligions.com/impermanence-in-buddhism-449702
[4] TEDx Victoria Trabosh, March 2018 https://www.ted.com/talks/victoria_trabosh_your_voice_your_choice?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare
[5] Dead Rita’s Wisdom by Victoria Trabosh: https://www.amazon.com/Dead-Ritas-Wisdom-Simple-Extraordinary-ebook/dp/B007G0ISKG
[6] Understanding the symbolism of the Buffalo (IMBOGO in Kinyarwanda) https://www.joyceelliott.com/buffalo-symbolism
[8] The complete Serenity Prayer: https://www.praywithme.com/serenity-prayer.html
[9] 9 Core Stoic Beliefs: https://dailystoic.com/9-core-stoic-beliefs/